i think im moving to buffalo....

I love this girl with all my heart and more. I would be insane with happiness if she were with me all the time, and just came to live with me until she found her anchor.

We'd eat doughnuts/croissants in bed, I'd bring her coffee with 50 sugars that she would thank me for and then not drink, we could have taco tuesdays under an elegant chandelier, we could have puppet shows, play dress up 24/7, I could be her sitter and she could paint me nude, we could read pornography to each other like old times, garden together, talk together, sleep together, light fires together, finally write our screenplay and make loads of money.

She is my favorite person. We could have balls where we'd wear gowns and dance to motzart, chopin, beethoven, we could wake up to each other in our underwear everyday (heaven), make cookies, watch movies, color, play agatha christie, have seances.

There are so many other things. I want her to live with me for as long as she wants. We could, like, take a class together - join a knitting circle, a pottery class, play tennis, swim and be in heaven together and possibly go to the same support groups which I think are right up her alley and she would benefit from so much, as I have.

Aly, I shall address you directly now seeing as you're the only person who reads this (I wouldn't have it any other way I'll have you know)-you can do all the other stuff AFTER you live with me. you stay with me for however long, save money, then once we've nursed you back to health I let you back into the wild (maybe ;) What's to think about? There are no cons to this plan-we'd give each other space if we needed to-the house is big enough, you could borrow my car, there is a market just down the street, c'mon!!! just do it. We'd be surrounded by wood paneled walls, fireplaces (that work!) for those chilly summer nights, we could finally live the way we were supposed to live all along-in a Dickens novel-two orphaned (but well-to-do) girls live in beautiful, stained glass house-doing whatever they want, when they want.

I love you and care about you so very much. You'd be in a safe environment with me as support and my brother-and my parents love you. I think it would be really good for the both of us. If you liked it then you shoulda put a ring on it. I'm puttin' a ring on it-aly, marry me? I'd give you all the baskets to put your eggs in.





i mean after reading that how could i not????

it was the bathroom that sold me. that tub... you know i have always been a sucker for a big bathrooms and showers with seats!

ps vanessa this is not a definite but it sure does sound like heaven

number nine

act.1
scene.1

questonionable

act.1
scene.2

not bad... not bad at all

act.1
scene.3

LAME TO THE MAXXX or should i say MAx


intermission


act.2
scene.1

teetering

act.2
scene.2

bewilderingly bad. back to questionable. concluded with lame.

act.2.
scene.3

So I just did me some talkin' to the sun
And I said I didn't like the way he got things done
Sleepin' on the job
Those raindrops are fallin' on my head, they keep fallin'

But there's one thing I know
The blues they send to meet me won't defeat me
It won't be long till happiness steps up to greet me

Raindrops keep fallin' on my head
But that doesn't mean my eyes will soon be turnin' red
Cryin's not for me
'Cause I'm never gonna stop the rain by complainin'
Because I'm free
Nothin's worryin' me

It won't be long till happiness steps up to greet me


intermission


act.3
scene.1

good.




since your asleep and im not so good at that i figured i would talk to you about things here. 3 people unfriended me on facebook this week. imagine that. 3 people. 1 of whom has been inside me. this one doesnt make me sad, more giggly... poor poor kid... something is off. 2nd i am just baffled and in disbelief about. so quick to run on the internet and not only unfriend but block. i guess what she was trying to say is that if we are not facebook friends then we are not friends, but bitch owes me money son. fucking crazy. 3rd who was probably the first to go makes me sad. i really fucked things up there. if you feel someway you feel it whether its right or wrong. i feel guilty and sad and partially to blame.






god. the fact that i just wrote that makes me cringe.

go to bed its 4:00AM

know you who me

im down.

things happen. and then they. the people. the friends. make me feel like a bad person.

again. i dont think i am a bad person. so why is it that this past week. over and over.

this.



maybe im not a good person. but i think i am. maybe i am to sensitive. maybe im not sensitive enough.

i see them as misunderstandings. but common misunderstandings may mean that they are not misunderstood. they may mean i am understood.

reality.

or maybe i need to make new friends or spend more time with the other friends who understand.

its not been easy.

i don't know how i am standing.

3 months ago i said if anything else happens i am goign to need to be locked up.

2 months ago i said i cant take anything else bad.

1 month ago i was such a wreck i left you on the side of the road.

that made me feel a little better.

then this month... really???

i thought 2009 was supposed to be a new year.

new beginning.

so why are theses misfortunes carrying on.


AHHHHH


i am sulking and feeling bad for myself.

get over it.

move past.

rant.

shake it off.




spin. spin. twirl. drop. show me drop. oh yes. spin. spin. reach. reach. grab. PULL. curtsy. flowers/flowers. curtsy. flowers/flowers. exit stage left.





keep on keeping on?

little girl lost

first does anyone know where to find a voodoo/witch doctor? i feel like there is a hex on me. (if anyone is actually reading this that is)





time and time again when i dont think things could get worse they do...

is it me?

i dont think i am a bad person, in-fact i make an effort to be a good person.

karma?

no i would have to have been a really really bad person for this kinda karma.

on a separate note... i am lost... little girl lost








I get knocked down
But I get up again
You're never going to keep me down
I get knocked down
But I get up again
You're never going to keep me down
I get knocked down
But I get up again
You're never going to keep me down
I get knocked down
But I get up again
You're never going to keep me down


had to get that out. on the radio tonight.

options.

- stay in boston... not leave my job... maybe one day do something

- move to brooklyn (with jenna which would be heaven)

-move to buffalo... if i go stay there so many good things. (mayeb we could like take a class together)

1. i would be with vanessa (maybe we could like take a class together)
2. buffalo is dead so i could stay in all the time working on my art.
3. i would be able to same money cause in buffalo you have have a feast for $7
4. doughnuts

i have more to say.... sleep though...
i have more pros and cons.
wow eyes shutting...

ps ask me about the water i slept with. or the glass in slept with. or the water i slept in.









do u believe in dinosaurs.

teardrops keep falling off my head