i got the blues.
i guess what they say really is true. when it rains it pours. which im not really ok with. why cant it be a constant sprinkle and on occasion thunder and lightning?
i cant snap out of this funk and i dont know if it is a normal human emotion or me being depressed again. after years of medicating my feelings i have lost touch of what is normal and what isnt. i am very thankful that i dont have to rely on a external source to balance my state of mind but i just wish it was easier to have feeling and know how to deal with them and not let them bring me down.
with so much going on so far away i feel out of control. i know its better for me to be here but its also hard to hear all of the different opions on what is goign on. it makes me feel guilty not being home and angry at how people are dealing or not dealing with what is happening. i know in time everything will balance out but for the past few years since we left needham i have been waiting and i am loosing patience.
i know it cant ever go back to how it was and i cant even say that if did i would be happy. so really im fucked and just need to focus on moving forward. i need to learn to leave things in the past and i need to learn how to deal.
in two weeks my parents will be in town and i cant wait. i think having them here for a few days will bring peace of mind or break my heart. either way i need to get on with it.
blah blah blah
lifes a bitch and then you die.
in other news i found a photo of the boots of my dreams now i just need to find them and hope i can afford them.
love you! <3
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