Day of Appearance. It’s a freaky parallel yet soooo different in soooo many ways. As of right now I don’t know how to put into words how I feel about everything that is happening. I’ve been struggling in my own head to figure it out… so the idea of talking about it is too much.
Marco just told me he is making me a dress. WOW. He is the sweetest man ever. I am going to paint him something which will be a struggle since I don’t think I have really painted anything in a number of years, but for Marco I will try my best to make him a beautiful painting. It’s weird that today of all days he does this. It’s almost like he can sense how upset I am. He is amazing.
Things have been good with him (not Marco). I think I may be ready to be treated how I deserve, or at least as best as he can.
Its strange all the sudden having these feeling and looking into the future with them. I guess we will see how long that lasts.
Celery’s Talk with Peanut Butter brought on clarity she hadn’t seen before. She said “I guess I had seen it I just wasn’t accepting it and thinking rationally”. The real problem is that Raisin wasn’t and isn’t thinking rationally. “Maybe Raisin is not capable of a rational thought” celery said aloud.
I love to be around family but when they ask about my mom it makes me sad. When I hear it aloud and people act sorry for me I get more upset. I think this is because it makes it a reality. Sydney was being amazing as usual. She obviously had a dance she wanted to show to everyone (on a side note I was impressed that she only had one announcement at the dinner table) so the girls (syd, Jordan, Jillian, and Jaden) did a dance to some cheetah girls song. It was hilarious, I don’t know where Sydney learns this stuff (Disney, which is funny because it’s the same premise as when I was a kid but totally sexual. Still kids doing flips and singing but just sooo sexual, what happened to wholesome Mickey Mouse club or kids incorporated!) But really, girls got moves. I asked Aimee if she was a dancer, she said no that it was all Scott. Maybe it runs in the family because I got some moves also. I told Scott that there might be some money in it, he said “ya dollar bills” haha then I said I didn’t say it!
When my parents were in town we went to dinner at Todd’s and Aimee had a video of Sydney dancing for her birthday party and at the beginning of the video Aimee is announcing Sydney and she goes “Its Sydney Silverman’s 8th Birthday Party, After Party” I was laughing so hard at that, no one else picked up on it but me and Aimee. Then syd was dressed all 80’s and did a dance to MC Hammer.
God Marco really knows how to cheer a lady up.
Happy New Year.
Last night I lied in bed and watched Pure Luck and cried. Vanessa told me that when she was really upset martin short movies, specifically Pure Luck, cheer her up. I wore her leopard lingerie and pink fuzzy cardigan. I love Vanessa so much it hurts. My body has been shaking for far too long.
